Yuffie's Letter
by premonitioner
Summary: If you people paired you with random strangers, I'd sure you'd kinda freak out too! [Yuffiecentric]


**This just came to me as I realised just how many people poor Yuffie is paired with. I am not being critical, as I pair Yuffie with Riku, even though they've never met. I just find it funny. Anyways, this is my account of Yuffie's ramblings. **

I think I went crazy when I found this website. I mean, all I was doing was searching myself on the internet! And, by crazy you know I mean I took it out on Teef. She's good to fight when you're pissed off.

Y'see, most people would be traumatised by this thing. I, however, am not most people. I am the Great Ninja Yuffie, and ninja's don't get traumatised. The thing that pissed me off was the people were pairing me off with almost everyone I've met, and, quite a lot of people I didn't even know existed!

I mean, for instance, Cloud. First of all, Cloud loves Aerith. It was _kinda_ awkward when he saw her alive again, but, he got over it. Anyways, Cloud, is the aftermath of a human and a chocobo breeding, and he is totally _loco_! Honestly, I know he means well and all by going after Sephiroth and trying to finally rid the world of the silver haired psycho, but referring to him as 'the darkness in my heart'? He might as well write 'EMO' on his forehead in big black drippy letters.

And then they pair me with Sora. Hel-_lo_? He's like, what, ten years younger than me? Okay, so maybe that's an exaggeration, but, the kid is shorter than me! No, seriously, without his hairdo that would put Cloud to shame (if Cloud wasn't too busy fighting the 'darkness in his heart') Sora is shorter than me. And, anyways, he's all goo-goo eyes for that Fairy girl or whatever. (_Fine_, Kairi, as Merlin is looking over my shoulder and spell checking this. Gawd, that's what SPELL CHECK is for.)

I think me and Sora's best friend, Riku are a popular couple. Apparently, he's older than Sora, and taller. And hotter. So, there go the problems I had with Sora. However, from what I've heard, he went cuckoo and locked himself inside Kingdom Hearts. What self-respecting non-emo person would do _that_? He and Cloud should start a club.

Talking about clubs, out of Organization XIII, I think I've been paired Zexion, Axel, Demyx, Marluxia, and Roxas. Firstly, I would like to say, I've never met any of these guys. Secondly, I stole Jiminy's journal, (it was for research!) and I would like to say this. Zexion, you need to join Riku and Cloud's club. Axel, I would have liked to throw your chakrams, they sound cool, but, dude, you have the body frame of a girl. Demyx, I saw you fighting Sora, haha, he _pwned_ you. Marluxia, _gay boy_! And, Roxas? See what I said about Sora.

Hmmm…who next? Oh yes. Kairi. First of all, I am not a lesbian. Secondly, I've only met the girl once, and honestly? She's a midget. Even compared to me, she's a total midget. And the whole 'oh I'm in love with Sora but we're both too shy to admit it' thing would be in the way as well. Sorry all you yuri fans.

Ew. I've been paired with Aerith and Teef. Seriously, people, do you really think that I would go for Cloud's fangirls? Okay, so they're pretty, but, I think if I went near Tifa in _that_ way, she would knock me out. And Aerith would just giggle and pet me on the head and wreck my super sexy ninja hairdo.

Then there's Vinny. Another member of the emo club. Only thing I love about him is his cloak, and his hair. But, whatever.

And, last but not least, there's Squall. Squall. _Squall_. Heehee. I'm not going to correct myself, because, his name is _not_ Leon. Squall is my training buddy, and the one who found me when my world imploded. _Lost to the heartless, FINE Merlin!_ Imploded sounds so much cooler, though. Anyways, the only way that I would ever go out with Squall would be if I morphed into that girl he liked…what was her name again? Rona? Lino? Ah. _Rinoa, thank you Merlin_. Not. Anyways, Squall is much too serious for my liking. He's the final member of the emo club.

Anyways, ninja's aren't supposed to fall in love. It totally ruins our image. If we were to fall in love, it'd be with our weapons, and frankly, I don't fancy making out with my shuriken. It'd be way painful, don't you think? I guess I'm destined to live life alone. Gawd, that's depressing…maybe I _should_ call Riku. Nah, just messing with ya!

Well…that's all my thoughts on you crazy people. I hope you don't pair me with anyone else! Just kidding, I love reading these funny stories! They're insane!

Peace out!

_The Great Ninja Yuffie_

**Woah that turned out different than I expected it. Hmmm. Anyways, review, people! **


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